Hesitation
by Jewel1001
Summary: "I'm not ready yet." An answer Chazz was all too familiar with. He'd never push his boyfriend into anything, but he was getting impatient, and their lives at Duel Academy were becoming more and more complicated ...
1. Prologue  Sure You Will

Hazeru - This is my first attempt at Rivalshipping.

Hera - And a bit different to her usual, but variety is the spice of life and all that.

Hazeru - Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

Prologue

Sure You Will

"…I'm just not ready yet."

Chazz sighed, drawing his pale fingers away from his boyfriend's cheek and folding his arms in annoyance. No matter what approach he used, the brunette never seemed to want to talk about it. He only ever said that he wasn't ready. He never elaborated.

After almost a year's dating, he'd been sure that the confident, enthusiastic Jaden would be willing to take their relationship further.

/

Chazz had recently escaped from the brainwashing clutches of the Society Of Light. During his time in that cult, his relationship with his boyfriend had faltered, faded and almost disappeared. He had been brainwashed - the ideas of it now made him laugh, and he looked forward to taking down the members he had previously recruited.

He was glad to be free. He was glad that it had been Jaden to free him.

Since then - a month ago - Chazz had been getting along with Jaden the way he used to. They were still rivals, of course, but they were in love. They had told each other as much.

Now, Chazz was trying to persuade Jaden - like he had been ever since he had reached his senses again - to take their relationship further. Jaden could beat him in a duel - for now; he wanted to damn well change that - but there was another activity in which he could rule over Jaden. It would be almost too easy. He already knew that Jaden - who could handle the fate of the world on his shoulders - was a weak handler of pleasure. To dominate him would be too easy, and just too fun to do.

If only he'd let him.

But every time Chazz attempted to undress him - god, he wanted to see the brunette's body, just to see if it was as amazing as he was expecting - Jaden would push him away. Never forcefully, never to hurt him - just enough to make Chazz understand.

He didn't want it.

And Chazz didn't get it. A 'normal' seventeen year old boy who honestly didn't want to have sex? Surely he at least wanted to try it, to see what it was like, to be able to say he had?

But every time Chazz said this, or anything else regarding the matter, Jaden would always give him the same answer.

'I'm not ready yet.'

/

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Jaden muttered.

Chazz humphed and shrugged in response.

"I'm sorry, Chazz" Jaden said, desperation touching the edges of his voice. "I do wanna do it. It's just … I can't. I'm not ready yet."

"That's what you always say."

Accurate and truthful. Jaden realised that a combination of both these things was also hurtful.

"Chazz … I'll … I'll be ready someday."

Without words of response, Chazz stood up and turned his back on the brown eyed Slifer.

"Sure you will."

The sarcasm in his voice hung in the room long after Chazz had left it, a thick mist that spilled emotions.

Jaden thought the strongest of them had to be doubt.

Hazeru - Bit weird, I know. It will have more of a plot, not just this.

Hera - R&R please. No flames.


	2. Chapter 1  Worries

Hazeru - First off, I'm sorry that it's taken so long to update this.

Hera - Secondly, we hope you enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

Chapter 1

Worries

The silence was beginning to drive him insane, he was sure of it. Ever since the previous night, Chazz had been giving Jaden the 'silent treatment', and by now the brunette was beyond sick of it. He hated the silence between them almost as much as he hated the fact that he was the whole reason for it.

What he hated most of all, however, was that he didn't feel guilty and he almost believed that he should. After all, he and Chazz had been together for a while now; he was his boyfriend. And both were teenage boys with all the natural hormones that cried out for sexual activity – only it seemed that Jaden couldn't get past his discomfort of the whole situation enough to favour said hormones, no matter how much he might want to.

Chazz, on the other hand, was not so unwilling; there was nothing he wanted more in the entire world than to be able to take the brunette. But he wasn't the desperate sort who'd take an unwilling partner – before he would do anything, Jaden had to want it. He had to make Jaden want it, but after all he had attempted, he was out of ideas.

And now he was almost out of patience. Jaden understood that much.

Even though, for the most part, Chazz was relatively understanding of Jaden's hesitance, it was clear that the pale skinned boy was beginning to grow weary of Jaden's refusals.

Jaden didn't understand it himself; he loved Chazz – of that much he was sure – and he did honestly want to go the full way with him. It was just that it felt somehow wrong, like they weren't at that stage yet, and so he could never bring himself to accept the other's none-too-subtle offerings.

It was not wrong. It was not shameful. Realistically, Chazz wasn't going to force him into anything he was truly uncomfortable with, and he had once told Jaden that it was his choice and nothing would happen until he was ready. But it was nonetheless a speed-bump in the road of their relationship, one that needed to be fixed as soon as possible, lest one or other of them lose interest in the other.

Chazz had, the previous night, attempted to seduce his boyfriend. Although it had not been an entirely fruitless attempt, Jaden had pulled away at the last moment, saying those goddamn words once again.

"I'm not ready yet."

Chazz had asked him why not and, when the other had babbled about not knowing and about being ready someday, Chazz had simply walked away.

They had already agreed to spend this day together, however, and it was an engagement they intended to attend; to not meet up as planned would be to acknowledge that there was a major problem in their relationship. And so Chazz found himself in the slacker's room in the Slifer Red dorm, flicking through his old texts – so many of them from Jaden – on his mobile, ignoring his boyfriend.

Jaden watched him warily and bit his lip to stop himself saying something. Honestly, he was no good at this – he had natural confidence in himself in all aspects of his life except for his sex life, when he froze up and didn't know what to say.

And so it was an awkward meeting, one that the two were only too glad to end early. Their goodbye routine was the same was ever – smiles, a hug, a kiss, holding to one another for a moment before that final kiss...

That final kiss which had not tasted the same – the flavour tonight was not of love and passion but instead of bitterness and denial.

/

It was the next evening before the two met up again, in the Slifer Red canteen. They were not alone – with them were Hasselberry, Syrus, Alexis, Atticus and Aster Phoenix. What he was doing here was not entirely obvious to the rest of them, but Jaden seemed to enjoy the egotistical duellist's company, and so nobody queried his presence.

Indeed the young pro duellist looked a little down, as if he had heard unpleasant news. All Jaden could decipher, however, was that it had to do with Sartorius, and nobody was too keen on him at present – the Society of Light was not gone, and even now they still had an old friend, Bastian Misawa, in their clutches.

However, not even the Society of Light could enter Jaden's mind at present – he was far too preoccupied with his own private life. He tried not to let it show; he talked and joked with the others, even threw warm smiles at Chazz, but it was undeniable that things were, to say the least, tense between the two of them, although nobody seemed to notice overly.

Everyone talked and generally hung out for a couple of hours before everyone went their separate ways – in most people's cases, that meant class; for Aster it meant to go see Sartorius; for Chazz and Jaden, it meant to go to Chazz's private dorm. This was routine, but their behaviour most certainly was not.

Their usual activities simply weren't happening – no duelling, no trash talking, no kissing. Just an awkward silence and a foot of space between them.

It was not a pleasant feeling, and this being Chazz Princeton and Jaden Yuki, it just wasn't going to last before somebody said or did _something_. As it happened, it was Jaden who broke the silence first.

"Look, Chazz, we have to get over this" he said quietly, his voice unusually pained. "If this is just going to be about the..."

"This isn't about the sex" Chazz interrupted, already seeing where his boyfriend's thoughts were heading. "It's about the lack thereof. It's about you always saying you'll be ready but never actually getting there."

"Chazz, I _will_ be ready. I'll be ready soon, and when I am, we can..."

"And when will that be?"

Jaden frowned and turned away, unwilling to answer and instead hurling his own questioning accusation: "Y'know, Chazz, you're supposed to be willing to wait for me. You're supposed to love me."

"Jaden, I..." Chazz took a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I am willing to wait for you, Jaden, but only for so long. Why can't you and me just do it already?"

"Because I don't damn well _want_ to!"

"You don't want to?"

"Well, obviously I want to; I'm a teenage boy. But Chazz, there's wanting to and there's being able to."

Chazz realised something when he heard this from Jaden – considering that Jaden was being unusually insightful, Chazz had naturally paid attention. He realised that, in all honesty, the issue was not to do with Jaden being unwilling, as he had initially though, but rather that Jaden was afraid in some way.

And not only would nothing happen until Jaden was at ease, but it was Chazz's job to help him be ready; after all, no matter how much he might hate to admit it, he genuinely cared about Jaden. Even if he did pay a lot of attention to his hormones and couldn't wait to bed the Slifer, he truly wanted Jaden to be willing, and he wanted it to be something they did because they both desired it.

"Jaden, what is it exactly that you're scared of?"

The brunette appeared surprised, to say the least, by this sudden change of attitude. However, he turned towards Chazz and began to speak.

Hazeru - Their 'talk' will be next chapter. Hopefully update soon.

Hera - Also, we're going to add a couple more pairings to this - obviously not involving Chazz or Jaden.

Hazeru - So, if you've got a favourite pairing, feel free to tell us and we'll see if we can add it into the story as a side-pairing.

Hera - No flames. Please R&R.


	3. Chapter 2 - Talking

Hera - Long time no update, so here we go. A longer chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

Chapter 2 - Talking

This was awkward and Jaden was not looking forward to this little talk at all. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have brought it up and would definitely not be offering Chazz any real explanations; much as he loved the dark haired boy, his boyfriend was wrapped in a permanent cloak of sarcasm and this was a delicate subject.

He almost backed down but Chazz's penetrating stare was too desperate. Jaden was never entirely one to disappoint and he had brought this up in the first place. He wanted Chazz to understand his hesitation, wanted them to get over this roadblock in their relationship, and if this was the only way to do it then he'd just have to do it.

Jaden began to speak, although his gaze was on the messy floor of the dorm room. "I'm not ... scared. I'm just not..."

"Not ready. I know that bit." Chazz paused to let the obvious annoyance in his voice drain away before continuing. "Look, you said you want it. You said this was about you not being able to. So why not?"

"I do want to. It's just that the whole idea of it is ... weird."

"Weird?" Chazz was fairly sure that normal teenagers did not refer to sex as 'weird', and for the hundredth time he wondered if Jaden was dropped on his head as a baby.

"Well, yeah. I mean, _think _about it! I know it's supposed to be what couples do. I know it's supposed to feel really good. But it's still ... it's still gross!"

It took all the self-control in his being for Chazz not to facepalm. Apparently, though, the look on his face said plenty regardless.

"It's not funny, Chazz!"

"I never said it was! But seriously!? How is it gross?"

Jaden gawked at him before exclaiming, "you have got to be kidding! Do you even know where you'd have to put it? How is that _not _gross?"

"You're supposed to shower first so you're clean, slacker" Chazz smirked, the old nickname sliding effortlessly past his lips. "Is that seriously it? You're just worried about it being a bit weird?"

Jaden bit his lip and Chazz sighed; so that was not the whole problem. Jaden whispered something then but it was too quiet for the darker haired boy to hear and he was instantly worried. Jaden was not a naturally quiet person and that type of near silent whisper could only mean he was genuinely afraid.

"Repeat that" Chazz said gently.

"I said it's going to hurt" Jaden murmured, loud enough now for him to be heard. He looked down at his lap. "Look, I talked to ... never mind. I got some research done." Chazz didn't even want to know who his source was, though he had his suspicions already. "It's gonna hurt."

"It won't hurt. Well, not after a couple of minutes, anyway" Chazz replied. "I'll prepare you enough that you'll not get hurt."

Jaden didn't reply.

"So. Sex is weird and you're scared it's gonna hurt" Chazz summarised. "Anything else?"

The brunette faintly glared at him but eventually nodded. "One more thing. It's what ... look, Chazz, I don't get this myself so don't get mad at me, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Sex is something adults do" Jaden said quickly, the words nearly gibberish in his haste to force them out. "I don't feel like an adult yet. I don't know why I ... I just don't feel grown up enough. And if we have sex now then it's like we're admitting we're grown up. I'm not ready for that yet."

Chazz froze as realisation dawned on him and he understood that, when the bare bones of Jaden's hesitation were laid in front of him this way, the problem had very little to do with actual sex. It was all about Jaden not feeling like an adult, about him not being ready to complete his transition from boy to man. He was becoming a man, that much was obvious, but there was still a little bit of work to do and if he were to lose his virginity, he would feel rushed into the final stage of accepting adulthood.

"I'm sorry." Chazz didn't know what else to say.

Jaden looked stricken and didn't reply for a few moments. A tense silence enveloped them until the brunette eventually whispered, "are we okay now?"

"Yeah" Chazz replied after a moment. "Yeah. We're okay. But Jaden?"  
>"Mm?"<p>

"What makes you think that having sex is going to force you into being an adult?"

"I told you. It's what adults do. Adults have sex; kids don't. I just want to ... I want a little bit longer to be a kid."

"You're a teenager."

"Kissing, touching. That's okay for teenagers, Chazz." Jaden looked him right in the eye. "I don't mind that. I'm happy enough to take my clothes off. I just don't want to actually..."

Chazz reached out and clasped one of Jaden's hands in one of his own. Their fingers interlaced and Chazz spoke. "Jaden, there's stuff we can do, you know. Stuff that I've been trying to do. Not full-on, just with our hands."

"So not ... I mean, no, um, going inside?"

"Not if you don't want to yet."

"Alright. That's okay."  
>"Jaden, you must've known I'd be willing to do just that stuff for a while. Why haven't you let me do even that?"<p>

"I just wasn't sure you'd stop." Jaden's voice thickened, like he was getting a cold - or maybe he was just trying not to let his emotions escape him. "You're so keen on having sex that I thought maybe once we were naked you'd just ... you would persuade me into it and then I'd regret it and we'd break up and..."

Chazz reached forward to place a chaste kiss on Jaden's lips; short and sweet, caring more than sexual and distinctively loving. "When you're ready. Only then."

Chazz knew that these coming months would be difficult for him. He was driven by his hormones, even he could admit that, and although his heart leapt at the chance now, he knew that soon hands and mouths would not be enough. But it was a start. It was better than nothing and if it saved their relationship, he was all for it. Hopefully it wouldn't take Jaden too long to be ready because Chazz was determined, now even more-so than before this little talk, that he would be one hundred per cent sure Jaden wanted it before he finally took the boy.

Jaden smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss on his boyfriend's mouth - this kiss was not chaste; it was open-mouthed and involved more than just lips. The two were soon caught up in their kissing session; unlike their more recent encounters, there was no bitterness in this action, no hesitation and no demand. The brunette eventually crawled over a little so that he was sitting atop Chazz's laps, one leg on either side of his boyfriend's hips. This position - favoured kissing position for them both - was welcomed and comforting and soon the two were oblivious to anything that was not each other.

However, like with many of their previous make-out sessions, Jaden froze abruptly and pulled away slightly. Chazz tried not to mind. After all, he knew what was wrong. The kiss had excited him a little too much and, even through his trousers, Jaden could feel his boyfriend's hardness. Whenever this happened, Jaden usually climbed off Chazz - sometimes teasing him and sometimes blushing, it depended on his mood - and halted their activities.

But not this time. This time, Jaden merely leaned forward and kissed Chazz again. Their kiss was slower this time, a little less heated, but the stimulation kept Chazz hard and Jaden was still pressed against him. Chazz knew that their little talk was not going to mean that Jaden was miraculously ready for sex, but he realised that there were little things - small steps towards the big finale - that the reassured brunette would feel comfortable with.  
>Though maybe Chazz had, like in their duels, underestimated the brunette's new-found confidence, if just a little bit. After a few moments, Jaden pulled away again and this time the kissing ended; however, Jaden remained on top of Chazz. Chazz was surprised and unsurprisingly turned on to see that Jaden was now staring at his crotch.<p>

"You're ... hard."  
>"I know. Can't help it."<p>

"It's alright" Jaden told him, keen to show that he was okay with actions like these as long as they were not going to lead into anything. "Is it okay if I touch you?"

"What?! You just told me that you're not -"

"I'm not" Jaden interupted. "Clothes on for now. I just want to see if it feels different."

Chazz did not state that obvious - yes, it was different - but rather leant his upper body back to brace himself on his forearms. Jaden took this as the signal that it was okay to proceed and he gently - ever so slightly hesitantly - brushed his fingertips over the clothed hardness, barely feeling it. Chazz did not feel it at all through his jeans.

"You're not reacting." Jaden sounded honestly confused.

"It wasn't hard enough. A bit more pressure would feel great."

Jaden nodded, a slightly nervous smile crossing his face as he accepted this new challenge with the same determination that he accepted any other with. He reached his palm down and this time lay it over Chazz's crotch, curling his fingers to shape the area. He glanced at Chazz, who was smiling. Jaden squeezed a little and his boyfriend gasped.

Chazz was frustrated when Jaden pulled away then, evidently deciding that the experiment was going to go no further. Nevertheless, he kissed Jaden gently - relatively chaste this time - before saying that he had to go to a class. Knowing this to be a lie but not commenting on it, Jaden nodded and said goodbye to him.

Both sunk to the floor on separate sides of the dorm room door, shocked by the revelations and actions of the past half hour and wondering where their relationship could go from this point.

* * *

><p>Hera - Don't worry, this isn't going to be Jaden suddenly ready to go all the way in a week. Please R&amp;R!<p> 


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